So i've decided that i wanted to share a story that maybe most people wouldn't want to share because maybe they're embarrassed or ashamed, and although i admit i did feel embarrassed the first experience with this happening, now i've just looked at this as a learning experience and that is why i decided i wanted to share this with possibly more people to see, so just as for background... cars and me don't mix well, i didn't learn how to drive until probably the middle of 2015, i was probably still 17 which isn't a bad age or anything but most people around that age know how to drive and have a permit of some sort, well i toke a bit longer to confront cars and driving because to be honest i was scared.. i have bad anxiety when it comes to cars because i know for a fact it's the most common way of death, like no doubt, what do we hear more often of... getting eaten alive by a shark, or dying in a car accident?... i think you get my point, so i dealt with major anxiety towards driving and toke some time to develop a comfortable environment from it, once i felt comfortable enough i went to the dmv, as anyone else would, passed my permit, yay.. now for driving tests... well you see i failed my first one for a major error, which was backing up, i won't get into details because this will be super long, but either ways i failed, i didn't think too much of it, because oh well i can take it again another time no worries :) i went the second time... ah i thought i was going to pass because i gained more experience since the last time, and i know what to expect on the test now... but sadly i did not pass, another critical error done by me, this time i really beat myself up because i was soooo disappointed with myself and knowing that i could've passed because i already knew what i should! and so i cried and i hated myself for a while because of it, and it wasn't so much of the rejection feeling anymore, it was actually knowing the fact that my anxiety would not let me do the stuff i wanted to do, and i know i shouldn't be using my mental disorder as an excuse but the feeling of being constantly anxious of different matters really takes a toll on me, and each time i tried taking this driving test i would have a really sharp sinking feeling and i would eventually get little panic attacks from it because i'm so dang nervous! well then either ways next time comes around and its the third time i've taken this driving test, and i felt really confident, i failed twice.. cool but now i learned from it and i'll succeed this day... but guess what? i didn't.. i failed once again, and from what? a critical error, ah yes, my friend enemy, at this point i am just in tears asking myself why? how can you do this? and looking back i just laugh at this because it's very dramatic and it doesn't matter anymore, but at that time i felt very upset with myself, not blaming others but just blaming myself because i was the one who made these stupid mistakes, the ride home from the dmv was always a drag because i just would constantly reflect on the stupid mistakes i've made and cry and cry and cry, and every time my mom would consult me and tell me not to cry and the last time this happened she told me " don't cry, the only thing you can take away from this is knowing that okay you failed but the only loss you had of this was the loss of time and money, thats it! nothing more is lost from this experience, all you lost was your value of time in the day to come over here in the morning and a bit of money each time we visit" and that is when i drew the line from myself. I constantly was putting myself down each time more and more each time that i had failed but now i drew a line and told myself to never do that again because my mom is right the only thing i lost from this was time and money, and i realized what is the big rush to getting a drivers license? i'm still young, i live with my parents, i go to school, it would be easier if i did have a drivers license but then again, the car that i'm going to have is my mom's car but she is still currently using it so even if i did have my drivers license she would still have to come with me because she is using that same car as well until she can get a new one, so the lesson of the day is, don't beat yourself up for the silly actions that come with because nothing is ever as valuable as you are, these are all materialistic values and nothing more, so if you happened to lose your keys to your house, or get something stolen or not pass a driving test, it doesn't matter, sure it hurts but in the end of the day knowing that you have a loving family, a safe place to call home, well then.. you have it all.. thank you for spending the time with me to view this and i hope you all have a wonderful day, take care!! :)
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